21. LIFE AND DEATH, BEING AND NOTHINGNESS -- PHILOSOPHICAL MUMBO-JUMBO -- THAT'S ALL THAT LAST CHAPTER WAS, YOU SNEER. BRACE YOURSELF. HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE (AND IT'S EVEN WORSE). THINKING ABOUT THESE PONDEROUS QUESTIONS CAN BE STIMULATING AND INTRIGUING FOR THOSE FEW WHO WANT TO BE PHILOSOPHICALLY STIMULATED. BUT FOR THE REST OF US, THEY CAN BE TIRESOME, BORING, AND UTTERLY OFFENSIVE. BESIDES, NO ONE CAN EVER REALLY KNOW THE ANSWERS TO METAPHYSICAL QUESTIONS, SO WHY BOTHER WASTING LIFE THINKING ABOUT THEM!

THESE PHILOSOPHICAL MUSINGS ARE ALSO A GOOD REASON TO SKIP A CHAPTER.

IF YOU AGREE, PLEASE GO DIRECTLY TO CHAPTER 22. BUT DO NOT PASS GO, AND DO NOT COLLECT YOUR $200. YOU CAN, HOWEVER, TREAT YOURSELF TO A LOLLIPOP AND A SMILEY FACE/HAVE A NICE DAY STICKER...

 

 

That was the last straw. Plastic apples!

"I HAD ENOUGH!" I yelled.

If this was a dream then maybe I could start things happening the way I wanted them to. "I'm going to close my eyes," I muttered. "And when I open them, I'll be out of this crazy dream." But when I opened my eyes, everything was still the same.

"Maybe this is just a movie I'm stuck in," I decided. "I'm on Candid Camera, right! Yeah, that's what it is. All right. Come on out."

Nothing.

"Oh...CUT! CUT!" I yelled. "I'm not going to let them push me around anymore!" I puffed. "I'm going to speak to the director and get some changes made here." I looked around and took a deep breath.

"I WANT TO SEE THE DIRECTOR!" I screamed.

Nothing happened. The fields around me were silent and still.

"I'M NOT GOING ON WITH THIS ANYMORE!"

I threw a plastic apple into the air.

"I'm waiting," I mumbled, and ducked as the apple boomeranged back to me.

Silence.

"Aw, nuts!" I moaned. "I thought maybe just this once I could get some answers!"

I got up and started to walk off down the hill.

"Oh, all right. What do you want?" a voice asked.

I stopped and my heart jumped. I looked around, but I didn't see anyone.

"Who are you...?" I began. "Where are you?" I added.

"I'm the sound of the wind in the trees," the voice whispered. "But I will be whoever you want to believe I am."

"Are you God?"

"God!" the voice laughed. "No. But then if you want to talk to God, I'm the one to go through."

"Well, OK. Yeah. I'd like that very much. There are a couple of questions I'd like some answers to, and I'm sure He can tell me." Then something occurred to me, and I suddenly felt elated.

"So there is a God after all!" I gasped.

"Now, did I say there was? I certainly did not. But I didn't say there wasn't, either. Don't get me wrong. I just said, if you believe there is, you can talk to Him through me."

I sat down in the grass and thought a moment. "But if I believed in Him, couldn't I talk to Him directly?"

"Of course you can talk to Him. You can talk all you want."

"But will he answer me?"

"If you believe He will, He will."

"So I'll hear His voice?"

"Did I say that?"

"Well, no. But how will I know?"

"If there is a God, and you believe in Him, you'll take some sign to be His answer. You know, like some coincidence or synchronicity that happens out of the blue. Or you might hear voices, like this one, which are only the whispering wind in the trees, as I've said, and think they're God. Which of course they aren't."

This was confusing. "So there's no God?" I asked desperately.

"Did I say that? Just because you didn't actually hear God's Voice doesn't mean that God wouldn't exist anyway. For if there were a God, those voices could be Him speaking through some natural phenomenon like the wind rustling through the trees, making you think He was talking to you."

"Uh, huh," I mumbled, waiting for everything the voice had just said to make sense. "But you're not God?" I asked when nothing clicked.

"I told you that already."

"Yeah, but ... there is a God?"

"Didn't we go over this already?"

"I get it. In other words, you're not saying anything," I grumbled. This was getting quite annoying.

"I told you. I'm just the sound of the wind in the trees. How could I possibly say anything?"

"Look," I grunted between clenched teeth. "This is all a dream, right?"

"Could be. But then again, what is dreaming, and what is reality? You're experiencing this right now. But if it is a dream, and you wake up later, you'll say this was a dream."

The voice waited, and I waved my hands. "Yeah, so," I conceded.

"If this is reality, then you'll never wake up out of it. But even so, all realities pass; tomorrow it will have been your yesterday, and you won't be living this moment anymore. So, for all intents and purposes, it might just as well have been a dream. Know what I mean?"

"Look. I woke up. Don't ask me when. It's been like one long day, but it could have been forever ago. I don't know who I am, where I've been, or where I'm going."

"So? Does anyone really know? Then again, when it's all over, did it really matter?"

"This is really depressing. I'm not taking any more of this dumb dream. And I'm really tired of you."

"I'm afraid we never really have a choice in the matter. You'll have to keep dreaming this dream until you wake up, or if it isn't a dream, well, until it's over. And as for being tired of me, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. I'm just your own thoughts, so you're stuck with me, and you'll be stuck with me, kind of forever."

"My thoughts? But I don't always hear you talking like this."

"You hear what you want to hear. But then, maybe you don't. And then again, I could just be pulling your leg about the whole thing. Actually, I'm sitting here cozy by a fire, drinking a cup of cocoa, thinking out loud. This cocoa is good, too."

"I thought you said you were my thoughts."

"So. I didn't say I was your current thoughts."

"No, you didn't. But what is that supposed to mean!"

"You might have thought this yesterday. You may have dreamed it. Or you might not have thought it yet."

"What are you talking about?"

"You'll find out soon enough. But then, maybe not. You might have to wait for the sequel. Anyway, good luck with...well...whatever this is you're in. Later Dude."

 


FOOTNOTE: If you feel this story would have been better off without the past 2 chapters of philosophical mutterings, call 1-900- ERASE-IT and the chapters will be erased from your brain free of charge. (There will be a small handling charge of two previous lifetimes for those who don't believe in reincarnation, and one full glass of beer-intoxicated brain cells for those of you who do.)

If you are not completely satisfied with the results of the erasing procedure, sorry, all sales are final.

 

Whispering Voices In The Wind
( Chapter 21- MP3 song demo by Lyndon DeRobertis)


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