The Afterlife

1. Everything you always wanted to know about the afterlife but were afraid to ask.

Most people wonder what it's like in the afterlife. Don't!

The afterlife is nothing more than a holding station for spirits waiting to return to earth again. It's like a noisy, crowded train station, you're on stand-by, and they don't post your train's departure until the last second. It's nerve-racking because you don't know if you'll be there a minute or a millennium. That's why spirits with any sense at all spend all their time hanging around the living.

On the other hand, it's very frustrating for spirits to see how foolishly the living waste life. Every spirit swears he'll never waste his next life that way, but of course, once in a body, spiritual sense goes down the toilet (not literally, but actually it has happened, so be careful not to overexert yourself next time nature calls).

Anyway, no matter how bad your life is, the afterlife is nothing to look forward to. Do yourself a favor. When you get there, stay out of that great big Train Station in the sky. You won't miss your train. No matter where you are, you'll be whisked up in the twinkling of an eye, and the next thing you know, some doctor will be slapping your butt, and you'll be wailing that wonderful birth scream.

You're probably surprised I didn't mention clouds and angels, or fire and pitchforks. When spirits arrive in the afterlife they're surprised too. But then they're issued a copy of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the Afterlife, and they discover they'll find out about all that in a later chapter. As you will too, so keep your pants on.