CHAPTER 14 No one dies... When we "die" we wake up from the dream called life and live forever?   A clock rang and I jumped up in bed. I just sat there blinking in the morning light. Jill sighed beside me and nudged me with her elbow. "Honey, turn the alarm off, already." "Huh?" Absently I flicked it off. Then I started to giggle. "I'm alive, I'm alive!" "What's that honey?" Jill sighed. I jumped out of bed and stretched like I'd never stretched before. It felt so good to be alive. I headed for the bathroom to take a shower, but Bo was sitting on the can, and the smile disappeared from my face. "Does this mean I'm still dreaming?" I gasped. It had felt so real. Better than real, in fact. It was wonderful, it was... "Sorry, Jack," Bo sighed. "It's just another Scenario." "Yeah, so what happens in this one?" I barked as we walked through the walls and out of the house. Everything looked so bright and alive. "Well, you woke up, and now you're alive forever." "But it looks just like my real life," I protested. "Well, sort of. Except no one ever dies." "Well, that's good, isn't it? Or is it going to get all twisted around like another Twilight Zone episode?" We passed some people while we walked along. They beamed and smiled at each other. "People seem happy enough. Now don't tell me. There's no death so the world becomes overcrowded. And plants and animals don't die, so there's no decay, and that means nothing can grow, and everything will choke out everything else. Oh, and people get bitter and bored from living so long that they develop ways to torture and hurt each other we never could have imagined before in our wildest nightmares." "No, no, it's a perfect life. The universe is big enough for everyone. People and other organisms settle on the millions of habitable planets out there. And they work on making every world habitable. No one has to eat, or kill anything to survive. Each organism just experiences life to the fullest. Forever." "So what's wrong with it?" "What's wrong is it doesn't exist, Jack. It's just another silly, wishful-thinking Scenario!" "How do you mean. Maybe it does exist. We die and we go to a perfect world. I like it!" "Jack, you're not thinking right. We already went through this in one of the Heaven Scenarios, remember? It just isn't going to happen. Why would there be a perfect world after we die? If there is anything after death, then there must be a spiritual realm, and if there is a spiritual realm, there must be a creator, and why, pray tell, would whoever created it all, create a miserable life, and then a good one afterwards?" "So we can appreciate the perfect one more!" "Eeeeehhhhh .... wrong answer ... No way, Jack!" "Well, I'm staying here. I'm not leaving!" I protested as I headed back for Jill and home. But it was all gone. We were floating in the empty void once again. I started to cry, but then I saw another Chapter approaching. No, it was a whole section. I wiped away the tears and read the heading: "WHAT'S LIFE ALL ABOUT?" "Look Bo," I laughed, pointing wildly, but Bo wasn't impressed. "Oh, boy, we get a bonus adventure. Why am I not surprised?" Bo yawned. "We can't pass this up, Bo. This is the REAL Question. Come on," I urged, tugging on his sleeve. "Look Jack. I can sum up the whole thing for you in one big yawn. You don't need to check it out. A) There is no meaning to life. B) Life stinks. C) Well, C is the peach. You know the Frank Capra, warm, fuzzy, "It's A Wonderful Life," angle. The idea that the key to happiness is to be thankful for what you have in life and make the best of the little things, and make sure you have someone special to share it all with and plenty of loving friends...you know that same angle Thornton Wilder won a Pulitzer Prize for in "Our Town" -- take the time to really live your life while you have it because it's precious and it's over much too fast...the old Christmas-time magical It's A Wonderful World feeling that makes you so sure there's a wonderful plan for everyone, and you're so happy you're alive, and...oh gosh, I'm starting to gag..." "But Bo, that's IT! We're alive to LIVE!" "Yeah, and then the warm glow starts to fade, reality hits you in the face, and it's back to trying to make a buck so you can pay your bills. It's all a bunch of hooey..." "Just keep your stinking opinion to yourself Mr. Bodisatva. I'm going to check this Chapter out. It's...Hey, where's that Chapter going. Hey come back. Come back here. You scared it away, Bo!" We were all alone again in the empty void of Death. The tears were streaming now. I cried for quite a while. So long in fact, that a river of tears was swirling around my feet. I rubbed hazy droplets from my eyes and saw I was wading in my sadness. And above my head a raincloud was rhythmically pelting me with sorrow. Rain, beats upon my windowpane. Pain, pouring down like rain... "Cute, cute," Bo was muttering, as he floated on a raft in front of me, comfortably sipping an umbrellaed-drink. There wasn't any rain falling on him, by the way. I shrugged, preoccupied with my task of trying get out from under the raincloud. I sloshed in the river of sadness, lunging this way and that way to no avail. And then I thought I saw an island in the distance, whispering sweet promises of hope. But the rain fell harder, and the world became darker, and I was drowning in my sadness, and my heart was crying out through the night of my soul. Thought I saw an island of hope in the distant haze. Thought I'd make my way back home at last. But now I'm sinking in my sadness, drowning in a sea of sorrow. Sea of sorrow. Throw me a life line. Take me away. I'm tired of crying. I want to go home today. And then I heard someone calling me. I stared through the storm, listening. It was the voice of Love that I heard before, in different chapter. Love was the lifeline I needed. Love would rescue me. Love was the Home I was struggling to reach. Love is a refuge from the storm. Love is the light that keeps us warm. Love is the Truth that sets us free. Love waits here for you and me. Love, sweet love, please don't ever leave my side. Love, my love, you and I will make it right. Love is more than a state of mind, Love is a Heaven we can find. Love is someone to share your life. Love gives you strength to face the Night. Love, sweet love, please don't ever leave my side. Love, my love, you and I will make it right. Flashback images rippled across my brain, fighting to reach me through the rain that was still pouring on my world. Beyond the cloak of sadness that was suffocating my soul, I saw myself with my True Love, laughing, without a care in the world, and another song was rumbling in me. I don't know maybe it was just 'cause I was in love, But all I saw was you baby, and that was just enough. I'm lost and all alone now. Time is going by. The rain is falling hard now. Baby as I cry. I was crying again, but She was still whispering my name, and I tried to follow Her voice through the pouring pain and the drenching darkness. And there was a soft light in the distance, and I walked towards it, and stepped out of the rain, and there She was. That hazy, elusive vision of Love that dances in the back of the mind. The One we project onto people that we meet, hoping they will be Her -- the One who makes us whole. And she was standing in front of another Chapter. "What is Love?" it declared, and I started to weep tears of joy, and a ladder lowered down towards me, and the rest of the song was roaring in my soul. One day I came out from the rain. Saw you standing there. You called out my name. There went my pain. Left me laughing with no cares. Baby take me home again. Baby can you stop the rain, Oh, baby take me home again. One day I'll awaken, it will all have been a dream. I'll be standing in a Garden so wide the end can't be seen. All around me people will be smiling, All standing hand in hand. Bells of love will be ringing. We'll be in the Promised Land. "Bo, look. Look!" I laughed as I climbed up out of my sorrow and began ascending this ladder of love. My other-self was still wallowing in my tears. He just shrugged. "It's the wrong dream, Jack," he said matter-of-factly as he floated further and further away. "There are only 3 questions in this dream. Three Big Questions!" "But...Well, maybe this is really the most important of all Questions. I mean, thinking about Life and Death and Reality... that's all well and fine, but now that I'm tasting it, it doesn't seem that important. I mean I'm realizing that we're all really so alone, and I guess all my life I've just really been searching for someone to share it all with..." I looked back up, and there She was, and she was getting closer, and the Chapter's throbbing letters of desire made my heart soar. When I looked back down I saw I was very high, and Bo was so far away. "Well, I sighed, and my hands were sweaty and my heart was pounding. "I've got to go for it. I don't need Answers anymore. Love is all that matters. Love makes us whole...love..." And then I laughed for joy as, of course, another song was filling the air. No more Searching. No more Waiting for answers that can't be found. No more Longing. No more Listening for an unheard silent sound. 'Cause I found you. You brought the Light into the night. You made it right. I found you. You gave me hope. Taught me how to cope with the night. You brought me Life. I was drifting on an endless ocean. I had a notion I'd always be alone. You came by sailing, my heart went trailing, At last I felt at home. 'Cause I found you. You brought the Light into the night. You made it right. I found you. You gave me hope. Taught me how to cope with the night. You brought me Life. I finally reached the top rung and with a renewed strength that only love can bring, I pulled myself effortlessly up to the Higher Plane and ran towards the Chapter of Love. She was getting clearer now. More and more real. They say love is just a feeling, a need to be fulfilled. But there's an emptiness deep inside me, my heart keeps trying to fill. Yet all those loves are but reflections of a dream of ONE TRUE LOVE. And you are all those dreams come true, yes you are all those dreams come true, and how I love you... She was smiling, and another foreshadowing future-flash flowed through my soul and I saw us together in the rain. But it wasn't a rain of pain. The droplets were sweet and wonderful and we were together, forever. Dancing in the rain with you. Teardrops falling from my eyes. 'Cause I can't believe it's true I found a love like you. Holding you close, I never want to let you go. And the rain washes our cares away, Laughing all through the day with you. Dancing in the rain...   My heart was about to burst because She was standing there before me, reaching out Her arms, and the world was about to be filled with Wonder as we touched for the first time, and we embraced, and kissed, and when I finally opened my eyes... My Perfect Vision of Love had turned into Jill again. I guess she sensed my disappointment, because she looked so hurt, and she pulled away from me and sat down in front of the Chapter. "Jack," she whispered, not daring to look at me. She turned sadly to face the Chapter, and she knew I was afraid to walk inside with her. The warm glow was gone. It's true that Jill looked beautiful, but she wasn't my perfect match. We didn't really have that much in common. Not really. And she didn't really know the me inside. I knew she could never touch my soul. She could never be that Vision of True Love, and we could never live happily ever after. Jill was crying as the clouds were forming around my brain once again, and a song tried to shed some light on the darkness that enveloped me. All those pretty Dreams, how they taunted me to believe they would be true. I'd find a Perfect Girl, live in a Perfect World, and all pain would be through. But as I went through time I found that only in my mind could I see that reality. Life is just a dream with nothing as it seems, I know I'll not be free. Well I guess I'm just an ordinary guy. So I'll find myself an ordinary girl. I'll live my life in an ordinary world of dreams. I guess I'm just an ordinary guy, that's all it means! But the song couldn't reach me. So another song tried to convince me that I shouldn't let the Vision of LOVE blind me from finding love. I don't believe in happily ever after, but I believe in love. I'm just a fool who rather dream than try to live in this world. But I want someone to share my life with me. I want to hold her, and love her with all my heart. I don't know how long we will be together; but as long as we are, I will love her... It was no use. I had seen True Love. No mortal could ever fulfill that Vision. But I would search for Her forever, and I would settle for nothing less than True Love. Suddenly an elevator door opened in midair, and Id peeked his head out. "You know," he began, "in the beginning there was LOVE. This Ultimate power and energy manifested itself as two consciousnesses -- Yin and Yang, or Adam and Eve, if you will. Every man and woman has descended from them. Every woman is Eve's consciousness 'reincarnated' throughout time in bodies of infinite diversity, clothed in facets of the complex simplicity of her personality. No mortal offspring can ever capture Eve's perfection, for she is the Ideal in a perfect world that has never been. And yet, all women are Eve, just as you are all men..." Jill was smiling as she nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Listen to him, Jack..." Id continued. "And when a man and woman fall in love, they feel the Ultimate in its purest form, for in that moment of love they have become ONE, transgressing the limitations of their physical bodies in a physical world. In fact whenever people "love" others with compassion and empathy, giving completely of themselves, without expecting anything in return, in a wondrous instant they FEEL that Ultimate, they feel our true nature -- they feel LOVE. Don't you get it?" "Nope!" I snapped, and I hit the elevator button. The door closed on Id's smug smile and he disappeared, leaving me in a choking haze of confusion. I was empty, completely devoid of all feeling. I watched in my stupor as the nasty little cherubs that I'd seen in Heaven popped out of the ground and fell from the skies. And they led Jill away from me into the Darkness. Now, part of me wanted to scream and run after her. But I didn't budge. Only after she was gone did I feel a great, deep loss, like a part of me had just been ripped away. But I wouldn't even admit that much to myself. I was too preoccupied, because the Cherubs were rolling the Chapter up, and my heart was screaming with pain. "No!" I gasped, and I leaped forward. "My True Love is waiting for me in there!" The cherubs lunged at me, like swarms of bees, tackling me to the ground. But I kept rising to my feet, and they fired at me with their arrows. The sharp points pierced my soul, but I would not stop. The pain was so great, but I struggled on, and then the Chapter was gone, and they pushed me over the edge of that great plane I had ascended, and I fell from the lofty perch, and plunged back down towards Despair. But as I fell, my heart cried out for Love. In this whole wide world there's only one girl that I can love forever. Don't know where to find her, but someday I will. And then we'll be together, forever...and ever... Somewhere my love is waiting, somewhere my love waits for me. Someday we'll be together, my love and me!   Fortunately, good ol' Bo was there to catch me and my broken heart. "Look, Jack," he sighed, trying to console my disappointment. "You've still got me. I'm always there to share it all!" I pulled away from his grip and frantically reached up to the Heavens, searching for the Chapter of Love. But it was gone, and I turned back to my friend and saw hurt and jealousy, and I was surprised. I put my arm around him. "Look, Bo. You're the greatest and all. And of course, you're my closest friend, forever and ever. But Love is...well, Love is something I've always dreamed about. I mean I always had this happily ever after vision of Love. It was going to be special when I finally found my One True Love. I mean, well, in real life we've got Jill, and she's great and all, don't get me wrong... but...well, she isn't the Love I Dreamed about." I blinked and saw that I was suddenly lying on a black leather couch. Bo was sporting a curly moustache and he looked quite stuffy in a crumpled brown suit. "Would you like to tell me about it?" he inquired with a monotonous detached voice. "I..." I sighed, and then Bo was counting backwards from a hundred, and I started to drift off, and my mouth was spurting out my deepest longings like a leaky faucet. "Well, I always believed there was a Perfect match just for me somewhere in the world. I used to lie awake at night whispering my phone number to the darkness, honestly believing that She would hear my thoughts and She would call me, and suddenly life would no longer be so mundane. There would be Magic and there would be Love, and God would be Alive, and the skies would open up, and God would wave his hand and right all the wrongs, and my True Love and I would be in the Garden of Eden, and we would live happily ever after in eternal bliss..." Bo was slapping my face. "Snap out of it, Jack. This is nauseating. Come on, we've got important Questions to answer. Just forget about this eternal Love crap." But when he slapped me, it finally shook some sense into me. I saw them leading Jill away in my mind's eye, and I knew what I had done. I broke into tears. "No, Bo. Love is the most important thing. I know that now. I just want to go home and hold Jill..." "Wait a second, Jack. Jill can't read your mind, and the skies didn't open up when you met, and we certainly aren't living happily ever after with her..." "I know Bo, but suddenly I'm realizing that there will never be Magic in life. Never. That wonderful, blissful, head-over-heels-in-love feeling that you first feel when you fall in love, it can't last. You're just blinded by Love and you project all the ideals of Love onto that person, and they can never live up to it." "Exactly!" "But, by working on a relationship, and devoting yourself to that person you've chosen, you'll have someone special to share your life with, you'll have a friend, your closest friend... and it's so much better than having to walk through this lonely life alone...And each person helps his mate when he stumbles, and together you can try to share some of the many happiness in life with the people you care about -- your friends and family, and others life brings you..." Bo sighed. "We went over all this at the beginning of the Chapter, Jack, and it's as boring now as it was then!" I pulled a pillow over my head and threw myself down. (The couch had apparently turned into a bed!) "I'm not getting up, Bo," I groaned. "I've thrown away the best thing I ever had. I'm going to just sleep forever...until I wake up and I have Jill back..." I cried until I drifted off to sleep. When I awoke, Bo was impatiently puffing away on a cigar as he rocked back and forth in a chair beside the bed. "I'm still here?" I moaned. "That's right, pal. You gettin' up yet?" "NO!" I grunted and pulled the pillow down harder. This time as I drifted off, one of those darn songs rocked me to sleep, reminding me of what I'd lost. Slept all day today, Couldn't find a way to convince myself it would be a new day. How else can I say what I have to say: I need you! I need you! I can't see the sky, I need you! How loud can I cry: I need you! There's nothing I can do without you! Come hold me, I'm lost without your love. Come love me. Can't live without your love. Come show me the love that I first knew with you. I need you. Searching for the sun, Hoping life will come, but only you can make me smile. How else can I say what I have to say, I need you! I refused to open my eyes, but my back was killing me. I tried to stretch and turn and nothing felt right. "Oh Bo. I don't want to be dead anymore," I moaned, finally sitting up. No answer. "Bo!" I gasped trying to find him through the darkness. "Uh, coming," Bo called, and as he came running into view, he tossed off a party hat, brushed off confetti, flipped away one of those Hawaiian flower rings, and wriggled out of a wet suit, before he dove back into his chair, picked up a magazine, and then put it down, pretending he'd been sitting there the whole time. I did a double take and almost forgot about my sadness. "You ready to get up, pal?" Bo wheezed. And then the pathos hit me again like a brick wall. "Yes, Bo, I want to live. I want to go back home, wake up and have my life back." "It has been a long night," Bo agreed. "Well, how do I get back?" I demanded. "Click your heels three times and say there's no place like home...pinch yourself...I don't know what to tell you, pal. It's your dream!" "We...we've got to figure it out. I've had enough of this philosophic nonsense. I just want to live my life and forget about these questions. They really don't matter. I just want to hold my wife, and live each moment to the fullest. I never really appreciated the things I had. I was always waiting for 'things to work out.' Well, I know now, whatever life deals you, make the best of it...Help me, Bo. I want to go home." "What, you think I'm your guardian angel? You're no Jimmy Stewart rushing home to tell Donna Reed how much you love her, pal. They would never have consented to be in this script! They only played wholesome, or at least normal characters. Normal people don't think the thoughts you think, Jack. They don't question life so much that they forget how to live, and they don't kill themselves in their dreams so that they can learn how to live again. They just live, Jack. This is your dream; you figure it out!" I was about to start balling again when Bo gave me a good, swift kick in the pants. "You can quit making such a fuss, Jack. Here comes another Chapter. Looks like we're finally going to wrap this crazy dream up!" I sniffled, "SO, WHAT'S THE ANSWER?" I read. My heart leaped. My new-found resolution to forget about philosophic questions quickly faded away. I suddenly had the fever "to KNOW" once again. "Come on," I laughed and pushed Bo ahead. "Before it gets away!" Table of Contents | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter