CHAPTER 5
God is a spirit
which can manifest itself
as a physical being?
I looked up rather uncomfortably at the Chapter heading. I should have felt excited. After all this was the God I was most familiar with -- God as a spirit which came down to Earth as Jesus.
"Or Krishna as a Hindu incarnation," Bo sneered, reading my thoughts.
"And Buddha in Buddhism" I sighed reluctantly. The truth is, I was rather nervous about where this Chapter would lead. The dream had been weird so far, and I shuddered to think what crazy thoughts I had on this subject -- this was where I could really start stepping on toes. A lot of people seem to get all bent out of shape when they think you're mocking God. It's like you're attacking their innermost hopes. This journey was important to me -- an exploration to discover what exactly it was that I believe - I wasn't trying to make fun of anything, but people might see it that way. "Let's just skip this Chapter, okay Bo?"
Bo started laughing. "You've been waiting for the chance to 'figure it all out' for your whole life. Now you're going to run away because you're afraid of offending people? You have the right to think, you know. To question what you've been told."
"But people might think I'm attacking beliefs that they treasure. I'm not. I just want to examine the possibilities...for myself. I don't want to force my ideas on anybody else. Honest."
Bo put his arm around me, "We gotta do it, pal." But I backed away. I was now quite sure that this was one particular plunge we shouldn't take.
"Come on," Bo laughed, and he pulled me inside.
We jumped and landed in the dark.
It was really dark.
I seemed to be sitting in a cushy seat, but the absolute blackness was so upsetting that I just couldn't get comfortable. Bo stuck his face close to mine and glared at me with a crooked smile. I shivered.
"We shouldn't have done this one..." I muttered nervously.
"Look, you've got to!" Bo insisted. "This is the one chapter that you're most familiar with. You can really blow the lid off it!"
"Actually, this conclusion is perfectly reasonable," I blurted.
"What? Do you really believe that God came to Earth as a man?"
"Sure. Why not? Look, Bo. Incarnation is a part of most religions."
"Oh, yeah. So, what is it, God can't tell time or something?"
"How do you mean?" I whispered nervously.
"Well. In all these religions, isn't god or god incarnated, or a savior, or some kind of messiah supposed to come and save the people?"
"Exactly."
"So, what's taking him so long? I mean, look at Christianity. Jesus supposedly said he was coming back 'soon,' and the original Apostles hung around waiting for him. They died one by one, and the ones that were left still believed he was coming back for them."
"Well..." I admitted.
"The next generation was sure he was coming to get them. A hundred years later they were still waiting. A millennium went by. What's that, 50 generations of people living and dying, believing that the savior is coming?"
I fidgeted uncomfortably in the dark. I knew we shouldn't have come!
"And then another millennium goes by. What, did Jesus take a wrong turn and get lost somewhere? Do you realize how many people actually lived and died hearing all their lives that Jesus was coming. What happened to all those people? They missed out 'cause Jesus took a 2000 year nap? And how many more generations will live and die in this next millennium before he supposedly comes?"
"But all those people went to Heaven."
"Uh, huh. So I've heard. I'm sure you'll be covering that in the Heaven chapter, so just stick to God in this one. Anyway, you think the Christians have been waiting a long time? Look at the poor Hebrews -- they were waiting for the messiah thousands of years before Christ!"
"Look, Bo, this is ridiculous ..." I stammered. The darkness was getting unbearable. "Where are we anyway?" I began, but as I was speaking, a spotlight went on and landed on an empty stage in front of us.
"Looks like we're here to see a play," Bo groaned. "You got any popcorn on your side?"
My head was filled with questions as I leaned forward, straining to read the placard on the easel in the spotlight's glow.
WAITING FOR THE MESSIAH
A Play in One
(extremely long)
Act
The curtain rose and I sat back nervously.
God came storming across the stage. "Jesus, where the Hell are you?"
"I'm watching TV, Pop. Cool it," a voice called from the other room.
"You've got to get down there. They're waiting for Us."
"I will, Pop. As soon as this show is over."
"But We promised," God groaned, and he waved his hands aimlessly in the air. "We're such a mess," he sighed. "I wonder where the Holy Spirit is. I'll bet We're down there laughing at those people who are speaking in tongues, claiming We're inside them again. Oh, why We ever split Ourself into the Trinity We'll never understand."
God paced back and forth and back and forth.
That's all he did for a long time. Bo and I fidgeted really nervously in our seats. We could feel millions, even billions of others around us, waiting for something to happen.
A couple thousand years crawled past.
Finally, God spoke again. "Isn't that show over yet, Jesus?"
"No, Pop. I want to watch this."
God sighed in exasperation. "What show is it anyway?"
"It's called "The History of Mankind."
The curtain fell down, the lights blared on, and I was sitting alone on a mountaintop, staring up at the sun. At least I thought it was the sun, but as it turns out, it was a bush burning in the air.
"I AM the god of your forefathers; I AM Jack's-God. You are my chosen," the bush declared. "I shall put you above all the peoples of the earth!"
"Oh?" My interest was definitely piqued.
"What is that awful burning smell," Bo gasped behind me as he climbed up over a ledge.
"I guess it's God. He's a bush burning in the air."
"What kind of bush? Stinkweed? God, that's awful!"
"INFIDEL!" the bush shrieked. And you're wearing shoes on my Holy Ground?"
"Slippers!" Bo chuckled.
"Bow down and beg for mercy from my chosen one," the bush thundered.
Bo grunted.
"Uh, well, that's quite alright," I offered. "Bo's a nice guy."
"Nice? Do you see the way he's looking at you -- my chosen one! Just let me at him. I'll pulverize him. I'll rain locusts on him. I'll turn him into a pillar of salt. I'll..."
"But I'd rather..." I began in defense of my friend.
"You'd rather...Who do you think you are, anyway? God? You ungrateful slime of the earth. That's it, I'm ... why, I'm ..." The Bush was so angry it couldn't speak. The flames roared and grew bigger and bigger.
"Ouch," I winced feeling a little toasty.
Bo pulled on my sleeve. "Jack, don't you think we'd better be leaving?" But the roaring bush had me transfixed, and I couldn't move. Bo kicked me, and we rolled down the mountainside.
When we landed at the bottom, there were millions of people sitting on blankets and standing around talking.
"Oh, boy. Hope they're not expecting me to deliver a sermon now," I muttered.
Fortunately, no one seemed to notice us.
"Interesting," Bo groaned. "Now we're at Woodstock. Good dreaming there, Jack."
I shrugged. "I told you we shouldn't have come." We couldn't see anything over the people in front of us, so Bo dragged me up closer.
I'd never been to many concerts, but I knew this one wasn't very typical. For starters, there were two stages.
"Here, this should be good," Bo said when we were about halfway between the two platforms. He grabbed a blanket and laid it down on the grass.
As I sat down, I looked at some of the people around me and I noticed none of them had faces. I blinked, and I scanned the crowd again, but Bo was shaking me. "Pay attention, Jack. They're coming out on stage."
Over on the right hand stage an announcer emerged and roared, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Presenting Jesus and the Incarnations!"
The crowd cheered, and Jesus, Krishna, Buddha, and a bunch of other holy-looking people that I didn't recognize, ran out onto the stage and stood by their instruments. They were all dressed in brilliant sequin-studded outfits that sparkled and shone. Jesus was playing a harp, Krishna a sitar, and Buddha a flute.
"Oh, no!" Bo was groaning, but while all this was going on, my left ear was listening to the announcer on the left-hand stage. "Ladies and Gentlemen. Presenting Satan and his Band of Evil!"
The crowd cheered for Satan too, but since both stages were being announced at the same time, I couldn't tell who anyone was cheering for.
I watched with my left eye as Satan ran out onto the stage in a red leather jump suit and no shirt, and his evil ghouls slithered behind him. He picked up his electric guitar and twanged a few notes, which thundered out of the 666-foot high speakers on either side of his stage.
The crowd's cheering slowly quieted down, and Jesus started playing the harp as he sang into the microphone.
"Love your neighbor as yourself,
Give your life to God.
Spread about all your wealth,
Give your strife to God."Bo stuck his finger in his mouth. "Gag me," he muttered.
Satan was singing, too.
"Forget about your neighbors,
Look out for number one.
The fruit of all your labors,
Is just to have some fun.
Sex, drugs and rock'n'roll.
Party, Party, Party.
Forget all about your soul!
Party, Party, Party.""Now that's a catchy tune," Bo chuckled.
The two bands played for hours. Satan and his Band of Evil roared out one song after the next, and the crowd was dancing and clapping their hands, chanting, "LUST, GREED, POWER, JEALOUSY, HATRED."
Jesus and the Incarnations played their delicate harmonies and the crowd rocked back and forth whispering, "PEACE, LOVE, HAPPINESS, JOY, JUSTICE."
The chants were spurred by angels that walked through the blanketed field with their boxes full of refreshing chants. "Get your lust, greed, power, jealousy, hatred, here!" they sang. Or "Get your peace, love, happiness, joy, justice, here!"
I also noticed there were lots of mosquitoes out, and I wished I had some bug spray. As they whizzed by my ear, I noticed they too were buzzing a message.
"EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL!" some hissed. "GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD!" others insisted.
And every time one of them stung someone, I saw the person turn themselves toward the appropriate stage.
Every time one of the EVIL mosquitoes stung me, I felt an overwhelming urge to be decadent. To rip off my clothes and do something wild.
I found myself constantly turning to Satan and dancing in frenzy, then sitting down, calm and happy, looking up at Jesus. Fortunately the GOOD mosquitoes seemed to sting me more often, and I was able to focus most of my attention on Jesus.
"Isn't He just so beautiful," I whispered to Bo. "His eyes are so filled with love. Every word He speaks is so just and right."
Bo sneered at me. "Did you notice how much he looks like Satan? They could be brothers!"
"What do you mean?" I yelled, and I stood up. "How could you say such a thing!!!"
"They look like they've got the same father, that's all!" Bo roared, and we stood staring each other down nose to nose.
We were screaming at the top of our lungs, and the people all around us were yelling at us to shut up.
"HEY, YOU BACK THERE," Satan roared. "YOU GOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH US ALL?"
A couple of attendants threw us over their backs, carried us down to the stages, and heaved us up. I was standing on the right, on Jesus' stage. I felt my mind just melting away as I shyly looked up at him.
"Forgive me, Lord, I'm so sorry," I wept.
"You may rise, my child. Don't be afraid."
Over on the other side, Bo was all excited too. "Can I get your autograph, Satan?" he was asking.
Satan pulled out a stamp and plopped it on Bo's forehead. "666" it glared in a blinding red light.
"May I have your autograph, my Lord," I asked and Jesus painted a cross on my forehead with His finger. I shivered at His touch, and I thought my soul would burst right then and there.
"Yo, Jack!" Bo's voice pierced through my wonderful bubble.
I turned to the other stage, reluctantly, and saw Satan with his arm around Bo. That traitor!
"Jack, ask him if God is good, why is there suffering in the world?"
I sneered at my traitorous other self, and turned smugly to my beloved Jesus, knowing He would tell Bo exactly why.
"God has given you this earth, and man has freedom of choice. He chooses evil, which brings suffering upon his fellow man."
"YEAH, right!" Bo scoffed. "Man chooses evil," he laughed and pounded his knee with his hand. "Ask him why one-day-old babies die. Ask him why little kids are crippled."
I huddled closer to the Lord as the bitter words stung me like arrows.
"And don't tell me it's man. That's bullshit," Bo continued. "Ever see a cat play with a mouse? It bats it back and forth, tormenting it. The mouse is scared out of its wits and its heart pounds in fear, and the cat just keeps playing with it, torturing it, until the mouse dies in shock. And the cat tears it apart and leaves it on your doorstep with its insides all ripped out."
Bo took a deep breath and gave me a stern evil-eye look before he continued. "Don't tell me man is the only evil in the world! Man is just like everything else here. Look at the way the world is set up. The very essence of life is survival. Creatures struggle to survive. Every second of your life, your body is killing billions of tiny organisms that are trying to kill you. Animals kill other animals to survive. Hey, ask him why everything couldn't just get all their energy from the sun, like plants. Why do we have to kill to survive?"
"The ways of God are not understood by man," Jesus said.
I blinked and turned back to Bo.
"Yeah, and ask him who created all the evil in the world?"
I looked pleadingly up at Jesus. "God created the Heavens and the Earth for His glorification."
"How can a good God create Evil!" Bo laughed.
I felt like I was shrinking.
"You experience the bad so that the good may be more meaningful," Jesus was saying, and Bo was yelling, and I felt like crying.
"In order to create evil from nothing, God has to have evil in him," Bo yelled. "I suggest to you that God is not good, but that God is evil! What do you think about that, you goody-two shoes?"
The crowd gasped. "BLASPHEMY!" they shouted.
"Well," I said quickly, trying to quiet them, and my own fears. "How could God have created good then, if He is evil?"
Now Satan started laughing. "He created good so that the bad will seem that much worse! It all fades, you know. You can never hold on to the good. Every good thing in life fades into your distant memories. All the good times. All the people you loved. They all die, and it crushes those left behind, because they remember the good, and they know it is gone forever. So they lie to themselves and pretend that God is good and there's a Heaven and everything will work out, because they need to have hope. And they cling to that lie. But that's all it is!"
"God is not evil!" I shuddered.
"God is just," Jesus whispered.
But I felt more empty than I had ever felt in all my life. "God can't be evil. That would be worse than if there were no God at all."
"Why, Jack?" Bo was saying. "At least if God is evil, you'd have someone to blame for all the suffering and injustice in life."
"God is not evil," I said, and I fell to my knees crying.
"God is just," Jesus was singing as he played his harp.
Satan and his band began to play, too, trying to drown out Jesus' voice.
But the crowd had lunged forward in anger. They pulled me off the stage, and I saw them drag Bo, too. They threw us up into the air, like beach balls, and the two bands played on.
We collided, and Bo grabbed me. We held on to each other as they threw us up again and again.
"We've got to prove God isn't evil, and fast!" Bo gasped. "They'll tear us apart for sure!"
"I know in my heart he's not evil. All the good things. Even if God were evil, that goodness would win him over. I know it would."
"That's not good enough. You've got to prove it rationally. We can't deal with blind faith, here. Faith is what blinds everyone from seeing the Truth in the first place. Everything we see says one thing, but people have Faith so that they can believe something very different. We need rational explanations! Think, Jack, think."
"Well...Maybe it has to do with the same explanations as before."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if God is a thinking, planning God, even if he is not physical but spirit, and he's separate from this physical reality of our universe, then we are "outside" of God. And then it would be the same reasoning as if there were a single physical god, or multiple gods. As long as there is an "outside", then God is finite, and there is something outside of him. And that can't be!"
I was on a roll, and Bo was waving his hands for me to continue as the crowd was getting a little rougher with us.
"Well, if we are a part of that oneness of God, and God was evil, then he would be torturing himself. Which would be OK if he were a masochist. But it isn't possible. Because to say God is good or evil, and that he has any consciousness at all, separate from us, is to give him a unique identity, which would make him a separate entity, which would make him finite. But if we are a part of God, that is if God is Everything..."
"That's the next Chapter, Jack," Bo moaned as they threw us down and started trampling over us.
"Well, if he is Everything, then he can't have a unique consciousness which is good or evil, because that would separate him from us and..."
"OK, OK," Bo yelped as they dragged us on the ground. "I don't understand a word of it, but you convinced me. Ouch! I'm convinced. Let's get out of here!"
Bo whistled, and Chapter 5 floated through the crowd, and the giant pencil fell out of the sky and landed in my hands.
I wrote from my back as my head banged up and down on the ground.
"GOD IS GOOD? PROBABILITY____"
I stopped for a second and knew that if I was right about people being offended by my personal thoughts, then most of the world would curse me for what I was about to do. But, I had to write the Truth. There's no lying to myself, here. Making myself believe something because it is comforting to believe, even though everything around me proves it can't be so!
Sadly, I wrote IMPOSSIBLE, and I was crying, and not just from the pain of the feet kicking me from all sides, either.
"GOD IS EVIL? PROBABILITY_____"
I stared at it.
"Come on, put impossible already," Bo warbled as his head bounced on the ground.
With all my heart I wanted to write IMPOSSIBLE. God can't be good. There's just no way a good God could cause all this suffering. I don't care what they say about it all being righted some day. It's impossible. But, could he still be evil? I mean, maybe he was blinding my reasoning?
"COME ON, JACK...you've proven it. It's good enough."
I wrote in IMPOSSIBLE, and then thought about erasing it and putting PROBABLY NOT, but the page started laughing, and it wrapped around all the people, and as it exploded in flames, we all started burning.
Bo pulled me through the fire, and we were standing in front of Chapter 6.
I turned and looked up and saw Chapter 3 floating peacefully overhead. It was alone. I didn't see any page about an evil God anywhere. I must have proved it wrong!
And yet I couldn't help feeling that maybe it was hiding somewhere out of sight. But Bo shook his head. "You proved it, Jack! Stop worrying."
I rubbed my hands together, and with a sigh of relief, helped him turn to the next Page.
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