4. How to get into a good college in the afterlife.

Once upon a time a bored spirit named Bill G. started Spirit's Anonymous, a self-help group for spirits on the road to Enlightenment.

Since then, things have gotten out of hand. When a spirit spiritualizes into the afterlife, he's met by hundreds of gurus who insist theirs is the best way to enlightenment. You think the Moonies and Hari Krishnas at the airport are bad!

Of course if you're looking for guidance, you might be tempted to try one of the Afterlife Colleges. But the truth is, you don't even get a worthless piece of paper when you graduate, as you do from similar institutions on earth.

When you get to the Beyond, just pick up Bill G's 12-step manual, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About The Afterlife. Find a quiet corner and read it for yourself. Don't be too surprised if it sounds awfully familiar -- I've plagiarized most of this book from ol' Bill!

It's perfectly natural for a spirit stuck in the afterlife to want to get ready for their next life. But unfortunately, studying in the afterlife doesn't do too much good. Spirits forget everything when they get back to earth. So instead of studying your halo off, after you give the guide a quick read, relax and just repeat "Psychic Smorgasbord" over and over. Hopefully they'll be your first words as a baby, and your parents will put a copy in your crib so you can get an early start on your spiritual growth.

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